I have been debating the last few months whether or not I should post this. I started this blog as an outlet and as a way to release some of the frustrations I have been feeling. As I have been learning more about this blogging world, I've also been lucky enough to follow and learn more about other bloggers in the community and their stories as to why they started blogging in the first place.
In my case, I started this blog to take my focus off of infertility, specifically secondary infertility. I grew up as an only child and always dreamed of having a large family. My father remarried when I was a teenager and I inherited two step brothers but I always wished that I had siblings from the very beginning. I also want this so badly for my little girl.
My husband and I have been at the fertility clinic for over two years now. I was so hopeful at the beginning of this journey. I still try to remain optimistic but as the months pass and after many failed attempts my energy and optimism are starting to deplete. The doctors can't seem to pinpoint exactly what the issue is. They have suggested endometriosis as well as low egg reserve but nothing has been concrete. I think this is why I'm so frustrated! I wish they could figure out what the issue is and then fix it!
Last year, after already putting thousands of dollars towards cycle monitoring, medication and failed IUIs, we decided to proceed with IVF. I learned a lot about myself and what I could be capable of to make a baby. I'm not great with getting poked with needles but IVF requires you to inject yourself daily with a needle and towards the end of the treatment I was up to three needles a day. The first poke was the hardest but as time went on, I realized this was the new norm and if it got me closer to my second baby then it would all be worth it.
I was only able to produce six embryos. From the original six, only two made it to day three and we implanted both. Two weeks later, I learned that I was pregnant. I was over the moon to hear this but not without caution. My HCG levels were extremely low, which required me to be monitored closely. I was going into the clinic every other day to get bloodwork done and ultimately find out if this baby would hold on. I prayed and prayed that it would stick but at six weeks, I knew it was all over.
No one can prepare you for this type of loss. I don't think it matters how far along you are. I loved the little bean in my belly and was heartbroken that I would never get a chance to meet the little angel. I know God has a plan and unfortunately, it wasn't the right time for us.
My husband and I are continuing at a new fertility clinic. The team is compassionate and I know they want us to succeed in this journey as much as we do. I'm not entirely sure where my end is. I have said that if it doesn't happen by the end of the year then we will move on but who knows what will happen. I have been reading other blogger's stories, similar to mine and it has been very comforting knowing that I'm not alone on this journey. By sharing my own story, I hope that I may too provide comfort to those going through a similar experience.
This week is National Infertility Awareness Week and I'm happy that more attention has been put towards this disease. If you visit https://infertilityawareness.org you can learn more, read others stories and find out how you can get involved. There are many faces of infertility and unfortunately, I am one of them.
This is also a big reason why I am choosing to live healthier and be cautious of the products I consume. There are ingredients in our consumables that can affect reproductive health and I am working towards removing these products from my home. Obviously, it's difficult to remove everything and I'm not quite ready to throw out all my goods but with time I'll be switching over to more sustainable products. Continue to follow me to see some of the changes. I've modified the Food category to Heath and Wellness and will keep you updated on our journey here!